Tag Archives: Women

Just my type

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LoveDefinitionInTypewriter1The first Valentine’s Day after my divorce, I felt massacred . It had been over a year since I discovered his affair, and I filed for divorce on February 9th the following year.

He  had moved and they were expecting a chocolate child.

What I truly missed on this Hallmark Holiday, are the last-minute gold and diamond trinkets he used to rush out and buy me.  I miss his guilt gifts.

The next year, I decided I needed to find a new way to celebrate Valentine’s Day. Instead of dwelling on what I no longer had, I would focus on what I still had/have — good  humor. While my ex-husband was living  in a McMansion with his new family , I was wasting away in “Margaritaville.

The guests at my pity party had long gone, but the party on my face was going strong. I needed to put down the shaker and shake my mind maker – writing.   I used to write everyday.  Okay, not everyday, but I thought about it everyday.  I am writing now.  Word.

I’ve had my heart-broken many times since my divorce.  I still get, “can’t we be friends,” from men who don’t know the meaning of friendship, or they wouldn’t ask such a moronic question.

Today, I will not receive flowers, chocolates or Victoria’s Secret thongs (which are just plain wrong.)

Tomorrow, I will go to the drug store and buy myself a big box of chocolates marked, 50%  – Rose boxers, too.  Because I am worth it and so are you!

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When the Broom Breaks

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jumpingthebroom“Jumping the Broom.”

The significance of the broom to Black Folk heritage and history originates in the West African country of Ghana. During the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade, most of Ghana in the 18th century was ruled by the Asante of Ashanti Confederacy. The Asante’s urban areas and roads were kept conspicuously clean according to visiting British and Dutch traders with the use of locally made brooms. These same brooms were used by wives or servants to clean the courtyards of palaces or homes. The broom in Asante and other Akan cultures also held spiritual value and symbolized sweeping away past wrongs or removing evil spirits.

This is where the broom comes into play regarding marriage. Brooms were waved over the heads of marrying couples to ward off spirits. The couple would often but not always jump over the broom at the end of the ceremony. Jumping over the broom symbolized the wife’s commitment or willingness to clean the courtyard of the new home she had joined. Furthermore, it expressed her overall commitment to the house. It also represented the determination of who ran the household. Whoever jumped highest over the broom was the decision maker of the household (usually the man). The jumping of the broom does not add up to taking a “leap of faith.”

The irony is that practice of jumping the broom was largely discarded after Emancipation in America which was consistent with the eventual fall of the Ashanti Confederacy in Ghana in 1897 and the coming of British customs. Jumping the Broom did survive in the Americas, especially in the United States, among slaves brought from the Asante area. This particular Akan practice of jumping the broom was picked up by other African ethnic groups in the Americas and used to strengthen marriages during slavery among their communities.

Jumping the broom was not a custom of slavery, but is a part of African culture that survived American slavery like the Voodoo religion of the Fon and Ewe ethnic groups or the ring shout ceremony of the BaKongo and Mbundu ethnic groups. With slavery over and superficial hints of racial integration allowed, African-Americans could now have European-style marriages. Jumping the broom had nothing to do with Whites.

Once Blacks could have weddings with rings that were recognizable by anyone as a symbol of marriage, the broom ceremony wasn’t required. During this time, jumping the broom fell out of practice from the stigma it carried, and in some cases still carries, among African Americans who wanted nothing to do with anything associated with that era. The practice survived, and made a resurgence after publication of Alex Haley’s book “Roots.”

Currently, many African and African American couples include jumping the broom at the end of their wedding ceremonies as a tribute to tradition. And even couples who do not actually jump a broom when they get married, often refer to, or at least recognize, the phrase to be synonymous with getting married in the same way most Americans associate “tying the knot” with getting married.

Broom jumping is also practiced by non-Black groups and in different religions around the world with some variation. Wiccans and Gypsies are among some of the groups who developed their own broom-jumping tradition.

Brooms break like a bad weave. A Dirt Devil was required to get these couples out from under all the dust of deceit. After all was said and done, theses Sisters  are in the Black, except for If I Could Turn Back The Hands of Time, Halle just bury him already.

Nas & Kelis Martin

Christina Milian and Terius “The-Dream” Nash

Martin Lawrence & Shamicka Gibbs

Shaquille & Shaunie O’Neal

Michael and Juanita Jordan

Eddie and Nicole Murphy

Lisa Raye McCoy & Michael Misick

Dwyane & Siohvaughn Wade
Lionel and Diane Ritchie

 

Halle Berry & Eric Benetbrokenbroom

Home Alone?

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mary-poppins11The first holiday alone can only be made worse if you insist on becoming the Ghost of Christmas past.  Don’t watch old home videos or thumb through old holiday cards and photos.  You’ll just end up crying and/or cursing you, him, God and everybody in between.

Although you may wish you were at the North Pole right about now, you can get through the cavalcade of commercials and holiday specials.  Avoid them all together if the pain is too much.  One I wouldn’t skip is “A Christmas Carol.”  If you’re feeling bah humbug about the whole celebration, this tale will remind you what the holiday is all about.

If you find yourself facing the holiday alone and you want to be alone, so be it.  If you can’t face your family or your siblings and their offspring, but don’t want to stay home and watch It’s A Wonderful Life  a dozen times, then make a like a reindeer and disappear.  Behold, I bring you travel tidings of great joy:

Christmas Cruise – Unlike Noah’s Ark, not everybody aboard will come in pairs.   Put the word out that you’re looking for a travel mate, if you’re not ready to cruise solo.  You’ll be amazed how many of your single friends would relish skipping the family gathering and the assorted fruit cakes that show up every year.

Christmas in Cancun, Cabo or the Caribbean, Yah Man! –  Make any island your Christmas Island.  You’ll enjoy the locals and return with a fabulous tan, and memories of mistletoe under the stars with an island elf.

Most resorts do fill up around the holidays, so plan early.  Once you’re there, enjoy a day at the spa (no waxing), a Jet Ski and para-sailing.  Invigorate yourself.

Visit a friend in a far off land, or another city

If you’ve been tied down for years or decades doing the same ole holiday hooray, it’s time to go see how your friends do it.  Pick a friend who is also alone.  If you’re in need of a reality check, spend the holiday with a friend whose children bear no resemblance to angels from above.   Whether you crave chaos or comfort, seek it out.

Season’s Greetings

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If you always sent out those lovely and sometimes cheesy family Ho Ho ho photo cards, don’t let your divorce detour you from another family photo–op with a twist.  Get all dolled up and have a family photo taken with the finest mall Santa you can find.  Some big city malls feature a shirtless Santa just for the ladies

Childless ladies can do the same thing.  Resist the urge to dress up you and your pets in identical outfits for your greeting card.  I know how much you love your pets, but a glam shot of you sitting on the old man’s lap is a better way to go.  Be your own Santa baby.

You may just say, “Oh what the heck”, I don’t feel like decking anything except my ex-husband.  Suddenly the scene from When Harry Met Sally of Meg Ryan dragging a Christmas tree down the street pops into your head.

Who needs that?  Maybe you do.  Maybe you don’t.   It’s up to you.

All I want for Christmas is a Gingerbread Man

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Christmas_-_Custer_Kids   1950'sUnless you’re religious, Christmas is for kids.  Remember when you believed in Santa Claus and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?  Christmas Eve was magic.  You couldn’t sleep in anticipation.

On Christmas morning, you rushed to see what was under the tree.  For some, Christmas was a season of disappointment as child.

You may have learned earlier on, that there was no Santa.

You figured out that Mom and Dad were Mr. & Mrs. Claus and they couldn’t afford to buy you that dream house or Easy Bake Oven.

As we got older, Christmas turned into one big shopping spree that seldom filled our hearts with glee.  If you’re like me, you spent too much and felt like you didn’t do enough.  The spirit of the holiday soon became lost in a sea of receipts and retail remorse.

After you married and had children, the magic of the holiday resurfaced in the eyes of your consumer-savvy children.  Now you were the one in charge and others joy rested on your weary shoulders.  You were Mrs. Claus and therefore responsible for all the relatives on both sides of the aisle.  Oh, the joy.

For those from a childless marriage, the memories can be ones filled with alone time with your ex at home, on the slopes or on the sand.  You may have spent the holidays with in-laws or hosted the big bash at your home.   Screaming children from various relations filled your home.  Thoughts of having your own (or not) may have filled your heart with wonder or relief.

Happy Hanu Christ Kwan

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Happy Hanu Christ Kwan

(Hanukkah Christmas Kwanzaa)

Now that the politically correct greeting is out-of-the-way, as the saying goes: write what you know.  After more than over forty years of decking the halls, I know a little about the commercialization and true meaning of Christmas.

The holidays in general are supposed to be a time of reflection and thoughts of peace on earth – goodwill toward men.  That last stanza could test your faith right about now.  No matter where you are in the divorce calendar year, the holidays can provoke feelings of fear, loneliness, depression and wanting to just end it all.

The most wonderful time of the year can leave you feeling dreadful if you are not prepared. If you are religious and surrounded by a congregation, family and friends, God bless you.

For the rest of us heathens, former followers, empty nesters or no nests at all gals the sights and sounds of the season could drive one to the brink of insanity. Everybody seems to be in a good mood expect you.  You just want to crawl into bed until January 2.  But you can’t.  You have obligations.  The mall is calling.  Invitations arrive.  Your mother is calling.

Worse case scenario – nobody is calling and no invites or greeting cards can be found in you mail box.

The Month before Christmas

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Twas The Month Before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, just the click of a mouse;
The stacks of credit cards were spread out with care, 

In hopes that spending limits would not appear;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While 3-D visions of new iPads danced in their heads.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash, and heard;

“Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! on Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! take all of her credit cards away all!”


As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in faux fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished 
with ashes and soot, 

A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a homeless man opening his pack.
His eyes — how they twinkled! He must be on crack!

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
Before I told him to get the Hell out of my house.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled up my table with stacks of  credit card bills,
all marked, PAST DUE.

“You know you’re being naughty and spending without care.  Your kids who won’t leave  until this house is theirs. You spend beyond your means my dear, You’ve been on a fiscal cliff for years.  The rich are different, not like you and me.”


The Holidays are to enjoy with family and friends,  not to spend  what you don’t have to the bitter end!.

Please debt responsibly.