Monthly Archives: February 2013

Just my type

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LoveDefinitionInTypewriter1The first Valentine’s Day after my divorce, I felt massacred . It had been over a year since I discovered his affair, and I filed for divorce on February 9th the following year.

He  had moved and they were expecting a chocolate child.

What I truly missed on this Hallmark Holiday, are the last-minute gold and diamond trinkets he used to rush out and buy me.  I miss his guilt gifts.

The next year, I decided I needed to find a new way to celebrate Valentine’s Day. Instead of dwelling on what I no longer had, I would focus on what I still had/have — good  humor. While my ex-husband was living  in a McMansion with his new family , I was wasting away in “Margaritaville.

The guests at my pity party had long gone, but the party on my face was going strong. I needed to put down the shaker and shake my mind maker – writing.   I used to write everyday.  Okay, not everyday, but I thought about it everyday.  I am writing now.  Word.

I’ve had my heart-broken many times since my divorce.  I still get, “can’t we be friends,” from men who don’t know the meaning of friendship, or they wouldn’t ask such a moronic question.

Today, I will not receive flowers, chocolates or Victoria’s Secret thongs (which are just plain wrong.)

Tomorrow, I will go to the drug store and buy myself a big box of chocolates marked, 50%  – Rose boxers, too.  Because I am worth it and so are you!

When the Broom Breaks

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jumpingthebroom“Jumping the Broom.”

The significance of the broom to Black Folk heritage and history originates in the West African country of Ghana. During the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade, most of Ghana in the 18th century was ruled by the Asante of Ashanti Confederacy. The Asante’s urban areas and roads were kept conspicuously clean according to visiting British and Dutch traders with the use of locally made brooms. These same brooms were used by wives or servants to clean the courtyards of palaces or homes. The broom in Asante and other Akan cultures also held spiritual value and symbolized sweeping away past wrongs or removing evil spirits.

This is where the broom comes into play regarding marriage. Brooms were waved over the heads of marrying couples to ward off spirits. The couple would often but not always jump over the broom at the end of the ceremony. Jumping over the broom symbolized the wife’s commitment or willingness to clean the courtyard of the new home she had joined. Furthermore, it expressed her overall commitment to the house. It also represented the determination of who ran the household. Whoever jumped highest over the broom was the decision maker of the household (usually the man). The jumping of the broom does not add up to taking a “leap of faith.”

The irony is that practice of jumping the broom was largely discarded after Emancipation in America which was consistent with the eventual fall of the Ashanti Confederacy in Ghana in 1897 and the coming of British customs. Jumping the Broom did survive in the Americas, especially in the United States, among slaves brought from the Asante area. This particular Akan practice of jumping the broom was picked up by other African ethnic groups in the Americas and used to strengthen marriages during slavery among their communities.

Jumping the broom was not a custom of slavery, but is a part of African culture that survived American slavery like the Voodoo religion of the Fon and Ewe ethnic groups or the ring shout ceremony of the BaKongo and Mbundu ethnic groups. With slavery over and superficial hints of racial integration allowed, African-Americans could now have European-style marriages. Jumping the broom had nothing to do with Whites.

Once Blacks could have weddings with rings that were recognizable by anyone as a symbol of marriage, the broom ceremony wasn’t required. During this time, jumping the broom fell out of practice from the stigma it carried, and in some cases still carries, among African Americans who wanted nothing to do with anything associated with that era. The practice survived, and made a resurgence after publication of Alex Haley’s book “Roots.”

Currently, many African and African American couples include jumping the broom at the end of their wedding ceremonies as a tribute to tradition. And even couples who do not actually jump a broom when they get married, often refer to, or at least recognize, the phrase to be synonymous with getting married in the same way most Americans associate “tying the knot” with getting married.

Broom jumping is also practiced by non-Black groups and in different religions around the world with some variation. Wiccans and Gypsies are among some of the groups who developed their own broom-jumping tradition.

Brooms break like a bad weave. A Dirt Devil was required to get these couples out from under all the dust of deceit. After all was said and done, theses Sisters  are in the Black, except for If I Could Turn Back The Hands of Time, Halle just bury him already.

Nas & Kelis Martin

Christina Milian and Terius “The-Dream” Nash

Martin Lawrence & Shamicka Gibbs

Shaquille & Shaunie O’Neal

Michael and Juanita Jordan

Eddie and Nicole Murphy

Lisa Raye McCoy & Michael Misick

Dwyane & Siohvaughn Wade
Lionel and Diane Ritchie

 

Halle Berry & Eric Benetbrokenbroom

“You’re the first, the last, my everything!”

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Roses are red, February is love dread

If this is another Valentine’s Day’s with no Boo  

Here’s what we’re going to do

Skip the nervous breakdown

By staying in our nightgown.

 

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On Valentine’s Day, lovers everywhere celebrate the day with all sorts of rituals, both old and new. Flowers will be given, romantic candlelight dinners enjoyed and intimate relations of course enjoyed.
One of the added touches to any Valentine’s Day celebration is music. Mood setting music ranging from romantic to sexy will be played in restaurants, living rooms, and, well, yes, bedrooms.
But what about those without a significant other? What about those who have recently gone through a breakup or just have not found that soul mate yet?
What kind of music should THEY be playing?
I’m glad you asked.
The following is a list of my top ten all time anti-Valentine’s Day lyrics.
Oran “Juice” Jones “The Rain”
The classic Def Jam record chronicles the story of a man who catches his woman on a date with another man, and concludes with the hilarious confrontation.
“Did you miss me? I missed you too. I missed you so much I followed you today.”
Eminem “Kim”
Raw emotion makes for great art. Eminem wrote this murderous tale after his on/off girlfriend Kim (hence the title) cheated on him. This one still gives me chills to this day.
“Never knew me cheating on you would come back to haunt me / But we was kids then Kim, I was only 18 / That was years ago / I thought we wiped the slate clean”
Erykah Badu “Tyrone”This classic song about a woman kicking her man to the curb even had the fellas conceding defeat.“I think you better call Tyrone / But you can’t use my phone”

D’Angelo “S**t, Damn, M**********r”

R&B’s Howard Hughes sings about catching his wife with his best friend. Violence ensues.

“I’m ’bout to go get my nine / and kill both of y’alls behinds”

TLC “No Scrubs”

Labeled male bashers by every man after the song dropped, only the ones that fit the description should’ve been mad at T-Boz, Left Eye and Chilli.

“I don’t want your number / No / I don’t wanna give you mine / And no / I don’t wanna meet you nowhere / No / I don’t want none of your time”

Kelis “Caught Out There”

Kelis’ debut single was definitely the tale of a woman scorned and helped make her a household name.

“So sick of your games / I’ll set your truck to flames / And watch it blow up, blow up”

Blondie  “Heart of Glass”

The dance-able, pop song from pop-punk band Blondie is too charming to resist, with Debbie Harry’s beautiful voice, and the catchy guitar riff. ‘Once had a love, and it was divine/Soon I found out I was losing my mind.’

Soft Cell – “Tainted Love”

Don’t touch me please
I cannot stand the way you tease
I love you though you hurt me so
Now I’m going to pack my things and go

Gloria Gaynor – “I Will Survive”

I’ve got all my life to live
I’ve got all my love to give
And I’ll survive

Tina Turner – “What’s Love Got To Do With It?

What’s love but a second hand emotion
What’s love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart
When a heart can be broken