Tomorrow you’ll be stuffing your face and trying to make nice with your aged and drunken Uncle Mack.
So when the starchy food and strained conversation come to a sleep-inducing halt, try whipping out these Terrible Thanksgiving Day Jokes to liven up the joint:
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him.
Why can’t you take a turkey to church?
Because they use such fowl language.
What are the feathers on a turkey’s wings called?
What’s the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?
The turkey trot.
Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Absolutely — a building can’t jump at all.
How can you make a turkey float?
You need two scoops of ice cream, some root beer and a turkey.
What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
What key has legs and can’t open doors?
Why didn’t the turkey eat dessert?
Because he was stuffed.
What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy.
And now, bow your heads for this Thanksgiving Day blessing
“Thanks, for a country where nobody is allowed to mind his own business. Thanks, for a nation of finks.”
–William S. Burroughs,
“A Thanksgiving Prayer”