The Gratitude Garage Sale

Standard

Sample ASS (awkward social situation)

Part of letting go of the past is letting go of stuff you no longer use or need or will never fit into again in this life.  A garage sale is a great way to accomplish this and a way to practice meeting strangers and strange neighbors.  It’s also a productive way to clear the closets before the holidays.  You’ll make room for all the new stuff you’ll be selling or re-gifting next year.

Rummaging through your past will induce flashbacks and the urge to reach for a hammer.  Consider this closet clearance to be a mental ex-orcism and another step on your way to freedom from the fabric that was part of your life.  Make sure to find any hidden ex-husband leftovers.  Items include but are not limited to:  clothing, accessories, sports memorabilia and all unused homme hygiene products.

Come Saturday morning, dress like you are having a Barney’s warehouse sale.  Resist the urge to dress for distress.  Don’t wear pair an old pair of Juicy sweats and a worn out “I ♥ Love” T-shirt. Look like a bargain.

Let’s assume the sale is going well.  You’re driving hard bargains around the perimeter, when you get a whiff of danger. And danger smells a lot like Obsession.  You hear a voice that involuntarily causes you to play with your hair.  You turn and quickly make change for the lady who purchased the unused George Foreman grill.  Next to grill girl stands a tall, dark and handsome man, sporting a baseball cap and flipping through your ex’s baseball card collection.

You move toward the man as if in slow motion waving away all others as their cries for “how much?” fall on deaf ears.  Mystery man smiles as you approach him he smiles revealing perfect pearly whites and asks, “How much for the box?”

Do you: A. Invite him in for loxs?

B. Tell him how much you love the Red Sox?

C.  Inquire about his batting average?

D.  Tell him to make you an offer you can’t refuse and inform him there are more cards stashed away inside.

Answer: B-D.  If you’ve ascertained that he is single and feel a few bases could be had with the fine lad, make the first move.  Of course, if you have no more cards stashed away, find some.  Make a coffee date. Or take him out to a ball game.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s