Monthly Archives: August 2012

You have a dream

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On August 28, 1963, Martin Luther King delivered his, “I Have a Dream” speech.

What does this have to do with divorce?

To some, divorce signifies the death of your forever dream.

In his famous speech King spoke about equality and the American dream.

Today, women are still fighting for equality in society.  We are not judged by the content of our character, but by the content of our cleavage and the carats on our ring.

We are forever asked about our partnership status.

You can boast about a new career, a renewed spirit, your children, but your relationship status will be what your friends really want to hear about.

It’s bad enough, that for some, the divorce revealed just how much we gave up and how becoming an “I” again seemed like a fate worse than death.

Hopes and dreams must return to you or they will forever be replaced with bitterness and hopelessness. Self-pity will be your constant companion unless you divorce it, too.

When you let freedom ring in your heart, you’ll be free to be who you want to be.  If that means finding a new mate – great.  If that means getting re-acquainted with yourself before you acquaint yourself with a new partner – it’s all good.

To thine own self be true. You will know what works for you.

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All things being Equal

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Since 1971, August 26 has been designated Women’s Equality Day to commemorate the 1920 passage of the nineteenth Amendment to the Constitution, granting women the right to vote.

It took an act of Congress for us to be proclaimed equal, if only for one day.

The beginning of the resolution reads as follows:

WHEREAS, the women of the United States have been treated as second-class citizens and have not been entitled the full rights and privileges, public or private, legal or institutional, which are available to male citizens of the United Stated; and…

I realize Congress didn’t have dating in mind when it gave us our day, but the scales of dating justice do not always tip in our favor.

For example:

Good news: On paper – we are equal.

Bad news: We are not made of paper.

Good news: Forty is the new thirty.

Bad news: Most forty-year-old men still want a woman thirty or under and they are not afraid to ask for ID.

Good news: Older women dating younger men.

Bad news: Jennifer Lopez and Madonna are not equals.

Good news: Internet dating

Bad news: Internet dating

Good news: Your chances of meeting a man today are better than your chances of being a victim of a terrorist attack.

Bad news: Dating can be terrorizing.

Equality is tricky when it comes to dating.  I expect a man to pay for dinner on the first and last date.   Is that so wrong?

Gender expectations have become so confusing that neither side knows how to act at times.

If you look like a movie star, chances are the dating scale will definitely be tipped in your favor at first.  But don’t we all know a drop-dead gorgeous woman who is single?

The reason why a gazillion books have been written on the art of finding and keeping love is because nobody has a clue.

If you take the time to investigate, you’ll find that most of the “love” experts must not have followed their own advice with several infidelities and divorces under their book covers.

A Gurley’s Girl

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Then

Before Mary Tyler Moore, Bridget Jones and Carrie Bradshaw, there was Helen Gurley Brown.

Brown, who died almost two weeks ago at the age of 90, will be remembered for her transformative influence on Cosmopolitan magazine and for her straightforward attitude toward the sex lives of single American women.

Published in 1962, Brown’s first book “Sex and the Single Girl,” was a treatise on financial and sexual independence for single women. It was made into a movie, starring Natalie Wood.

With advice on topics ranging from the importance of a clean apartment (“He does notice, if only subconsciously.”) to stretching your budget (“No one likes a poor girl, she’s a drag.”) the enormously successful book turned the then-40-year-old copywriter into the nation’s go-to expert on sex and modern singledom.

Brown became editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan three years later, imbuing her own views on female empowerment into a magazine that had mainly restricted women’s issues to family and household management

Her sage advice still holds water weight.  But today’s modern women choose augmentation to  enhance their changes for love and romance.  When I enter a Ladies room at some fancy bash, I feel like I’ve walked into an audition for Playboy.  I get scared and rush out. Real is the new scary.

1. “A smart single woman…doesn’t have to prove herself in sex. But she should act as though she could if she wanted to.”

2. “Should a man think you are a virgin? I can’t imagine why, if you aren’t. Is he?”

3. “Once in bed, it’s kind of silly to fake inexperience. Most men agree that inhibitionless and even aggressive enjoyment from a woman is an asset so far as their own enjoyment is concerned.”

4. “There is nothing like holding off and not having an orgasm one week, two, more…to have the greatest orgasm of your life when it happens. This takes discipline. You have not to masturbate no matter how inclined you are….A really longed-for, ready-for-it, haven’t-in-a-while orgasm doesn’t have anything much better than it.”

5. “I believe good drivers—focused, don’t show off but never get stuck behind a truck making a delivery, a bus letting off passengers, or a car double-parking—are good in bed. These men just very smoothly, efficiently get the girl or the car to do what they want and what the girl wants…no bumpiness, swerving, dawdling.”

6. “I don’t think pants are sexy for women. Dresses, on the other hand, are meant to be crept up inside of until hands touch underwear…a sweet, friendly, almost innocent pursuit, much sweeter than him boldly unzipping the fly of your slacks.”

7. “The vertical indentation in a man’s ear that dips down into the fleshy part of the lobe is an indication of how big his erect penis will be. Shallow ear-indentation correspond to small penises; deeper (like the shape of Italy) go with larger. I haven’t been able to corroborate this theory recently but in my single days found it infallible.”

8. “Magical sex does not always show up attached to the right man. When this person and his magical sex get too ‘expensive’—too many tears, blues, lonesomeness, too often feeling angry and taken for granted, the pain outweighing the pleasure—the magic man will have to go.”

9. “If a man is persistent to the point of becoming tiresome….Say,‘You’re most attractive. You’re really lovely, but do you honestly suppose I can sleep with every man who asks me? The answer for now is no.’”

10. “If a man is cheating on you, the best thing to do is cheat on him but don’t tell him. Gives life a whole new perspective.”

Now

RIP

Westward Ho!

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Long before Marilyn Monroe, Mae West was the ultimate bombshell and sex symbol of her day.  She was an accomplished actress, screenwriter, and playwright.  Controversy followed Ms. West throughout her illustrious career.

In 1927, she was jailed for public obscenity soon after her play, Sex which she wrote and starred in opened on Broadway.  Tickets sales were through the roof.  The theater was raided and West and the cast were arrested.  West was sentenced to 10 days in the slammer.  She was released after serving eight days for good behavior.

In 1909 Mae West was married on paper only when she was just 17.  It’s seems Ms. West “forgot” she was married until an affidavit appeared during her Sex trial.  Her husband tracked her down in 1935 and demanded his share of community property.  West denied every marrying the man.  Even though they had never lived as husband and wife, the court validated the marriage certificate.

What’s a married sex symbol to do?  Her “husband” was a struggling entertainer, so Ms. West set him up with his own traveling show.  For reasons known only to Ms. West, she finally obtained a divorce in 1942.  I think she might have made history having been married for 33 years to a man she never lived with.

Mae West is one of the most quoted actresses in history.  Below are a few of my favorite West words of wisdom:

“I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.”

“I only like two kinds of men, domestic and imported.”

“A hard man is good to find.”

“Good sex is like good bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.”

“He’s the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.”

“I wrote the story myself. It’s about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.”

“It is better to be looked over than overlooked”

“It’s not the men in my life that count, it’s the life in my men.”

“Keep a diary, and someday it’ll keep you.”

“When I’m good, I’m very good. But when I’m bad I’m better.”

“Too much of a good thing is wonderful.”

“Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.”

To learn more about West, track down a copy of her autobiography, Goodness Had Nothing To Do With It. 

Ladies Night

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I have nothing against going out and having a few drinks with the girls.

Just remember to maintain your dignity at all times.

There’s no sadder sight than an inebriated woman in desperate need of attention.

You’ll get noticed all right – for all the wrong reasons.  And if you’re thinking about trolling for one night stands rent and/or read “Looking for Mr. Goodbar.”

According AskMen.com, the following worst pick-up lines are real.  Good luck and God speed.

Number 10

“Great legs, what time do they open?”

Number 9

“You must be tired because you’ve been running through my head all night.”

Number 8

“Hey girl, what’s up? Guess what? It’s your lucky day. Out of all the girls here, I picked you to talk to.”

Number 7

“That shirt’s very becoming on you. Of course, if I were on you I’d be coming too.”

Number 6

“Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?”

Number 5

“Can I have your phone number? I seem to have lost mine.”

Number 4

“Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk past again?”

Number 3

“Excuse me; I think you owe me a drink.”[She says, “Why?”] “Because when I saw you from across the room I dropped mine. It was a rum and Coke, and I’m [your name].”

Number 2

“Is your last name Gillette? Because you’re the best a man can get.”

Number 1

“Do you come here often?”

Men  have a tendency to walk up to women in bars in completely the wrong manner. Whether it’s out of a fear of rejection or just general stupidity, men often come off as being crude and insulting.

The reason is men don’t want to leave themselves open to ridicule and, therefore, often act pompous and arrogant when approaching good-looking women in bars.

Either they acknowledge a lost cause and will say something obnoxious just to provoke a reaction and make their friends laugh.

A man needs to let his guard down a bit.

The girl may not swoon, but she’ll definitely think you’re cool enough to carry on a conversation with.

Dater Hater?

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Submitted for your perusal are a few tips as you enter the dating game.

If possible, try tester dating.  These are practice men, like the ones you will likely meet if you’re brave enough to cyber date or blind date.

Don’t be discouraged in the beginning; he might be as freaked out as you.  Here’s a novel idea – try being yourself for a change.

A lot of women have spent so many years in a chameleon state of mind, they have forgotten who they are.  It’s too much work being what others want you to be. And in the end the real you is going to emerge anyway, so why not now?

See if what I’ve listed below sounds like you:

Sage

Don’t talk about your ex.

New Age

Talk about your ex if you want… You’re divorced.  He’s alive.  If your date is not interested in your past, chances are he’s not interested in your future. 

Sage

Don’t talk about yourself.

New Age

Talk about yourself.   It may be your first and your last date, but at

least you were being you.  

Sage

Accentuate the positive.

True you should always put your best pedicure  forward, but don’t overdo it.  If you can’t live up to the hype then maybe you’re just not his type. 

Be coy.

New Age

Oy!  No way.  Be yourself.  Again, if you present a package that has postage due,  you’ll be returned to sender.  That would be you.

 Watch out for Players – the only thing that changes is your bank account.