Monthly Archives: June 2012

June Bloom or Gloom

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If you wed in June

As earlier stated, more weddings take place this month than any other.  If you wed this June, know you are not alone.  This month is also the beginning of summer – a time to have fun and soak up some sun.

Unless, you were married for decades, June represented sun and fun long before you walked down the aisle.

On your anniversary, take a walk on the beach and reflect on the sand and the ocean, realizing that the future like the sea offers endless possibilities.

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This month in divorce history

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2010 Sandra Bullock & Jesse James

           LeAnne Rimes & Dean Sheremet

2009 Jane Kaczmarek & Bradley Whitford

2008 Reese Witherspoon & Ryan Phillippe

2006 Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachey

2003 Melissa Rivers & John Edict

2001 Marilu Henner & Robert Lieberman

1994 Sally Field files & Alan Greisman

1989 Robin Givens & Mike Tyson

1975 Cher & Sonny (ten days later Cher married Greg Allman – she filed for divorce ten days later.)  Their divorce was final in 1977.  

Bundles of Oy

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When Artificial Insemination becomes a criminal investigation

Dr. Cecil B. Jacobson fashioned himself as the Cecil B. DeMille of fertility.  If he had made a movie, it would have been titled, A Sperm for All Seasons.  In the 1980s, the good doctor ran a reproductive genetics center in Virginia.

He informed his female patients (if their husband was unable to make a deposit) that his clinic’s sperm came from only the best genitals before they were impregnated via in-vitro fertilization.  He neglected to add that the aforementioned sperm came from his own sac (you can gag).

The Sperminator, so nicknamed, may have fathered as many as seventy-five children in addition to the eight he shared with his wife.  His gene pool party was interrupted when a couple noticed that their baby daughter bore an uncanny resemblance to the good doctor.

After a DNA test confirmed that Dr. Jacobson was indeed the biological father, seven other couples in quick order discovered though DNA that the doctor was also their children’s Dad.

In 1992, a federal jury convicted Dr. Jacobson on 52 counts of fraud and perjury for artificially inseminating the unwitting patients with his own sperm.  He could have received as much as 280 years, but was sentenced to just five and had his medical license revoked.

Smelling like a Rose

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June Flower Power:     Rose

The rose has many meanings depending on its color and mythology.  The red rose traditionally symbolizes love.  In your case, the love should be coming from you. During this time it is truly better to give than wait to receive.

Pink represents elegance and grace, which you should exemplify in the face of demoralization.

The yellow rose is associated with friendship and if you haven’t already, you need to cultivate meaningful platonic relationships.

The white rose should be our divorce rose as it represents new beginnings and remembrance.

Although memories may feel like thorns in your side, they are attached to the part of you that will bloom again.

A marriage taped before a live studio audience

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Divorce Diva of the month

Phylicia Rashad: actress, born June 19, 1948

Who didn’t want to go grow up and become Claire Huxtable?  She managed to juggle a successful career, marriage and motherhood.  Did art imitate life for Ms. Rashad? The answer is no, but colorful nonetheless considering the real life characters that have played a part in her life thus far.  To date, Phylicia Rashad (born Phylicia Ayers-Allen) has walked down the aisle three times.

I’m not saying he was a father figure, but her first husband was a dentist as was her father.  Being the child and later a wife of a dentist definitely has its privileges.  She has a great set of pearly whites.

Long before Hillary Clinton proclaimed “It takes a village,” Phylicia married into a village, when she wed husband No. 2.  Victor Willis, then the lead singer of The Village People (he was the cop).   They divorced after two years of marriage.

Husband No. 3, hottie football star and sports commentator Ahmad Rashad, pulled out all the stops when he proposed live during a 1985 Thanksgiving football game half-time show.  Phylicia had just finished hosting duties for the Macy’s parade, high-tailed it over to the studio and accepted his proposal on the same broadcast. They married one month later with O.J. Simpson serving as best man.  Sixteen years later, they divorced.  That event was not broadcast.

Father

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Back when I was a child
Before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around ‘til I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved

If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
I’d play a song that would never ever end
How I’d love, love, love
To dance with my father again

My father died when I was a child.  I never got to know him as an adult.  For me, he will  always be Daddy.

Some of you may not know your father.  Other’s may not be speaking to theirs.  You might be a child of divorce, and still blame him for leaving your Mom for your babysitter, who is now your step-mother.

You’re father may be doing 25 to life, or be one of America’s Most Wanted.  He could be in the Witness Protection Program, and you think he’s dead.

Worst of all, he is not here today and could have deserted you. When finally found him, you sadly realized that  Father did know Best and was not happy  when his wife answered the door.

Or you could be one of the lucky ones who gets to spend time with The Number One Man in Your Life:  DAD

Happy Father’s Day

MOA – OMG – Not again

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As the Maid of Honor, you are ready to kill your best friend and/or sister by now.

Thank God the wedding is this weekend, because you have been dieting for weeks to look good in that  dress.

You’re so hungry, it’s all you can do not to cut the cake before the ceremony.  The only thing that’s stopping you is the Spanx you and all the bride maids must wear, except Missy.

Missy don’t wear no spanx.  Missy from Mississippi where the only spanking going on is after the wedding.

You are getting ready for the big day when you realize you don’t know what to say.  You can’t trust yourself to say what you really feel about the nuptials between your best friend and the man you had a one night stand with years ago.

Fear not!  Plagiarism  at its  best, can always be found on the internet.  Make the following words your own:

Before I start I would like to say that ____ you look absolutely beautiful. For those of you who don’t know me my name is ____ and for those of you who do, I’ll have the usual, just put the bottle next to my purse.

When ____ first asked me to be her bridesmaid I felt delighted but as the big day approached I was informed that I would be doing a speech and a toast. Being the shy and retiring type I was trying to think of ways of getting out of it, but have any of you tried saying no to ____.

Then I thought what could I talk about, like all self-respecting 30 something year old, I did research and came up with some sayings that I would like to share with you,

Some say that marriage begins when you sink into his arms and ends up with your arms in his sink. Others would say that when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, its love, after marriage it is self-defense.

They say that before marriage a man will lay awake thinking about something you said, after marriage he’ll fall asleep before you have finished saying it. Now, I’m sure that there are some of you out there that can relate to that.

Before I finish, I would like to offer my own advice for a happy and successful marriage, now just because I’m not married or never have been it doesn’t mean to say I am now not an expert on it.

Groom, Whenever you’re wrong, admit it, whenever you right, shut up.

The best way to remember an anniversary is to forget it just once.

Set the ground rules immediately and then do everything _____ says.

Road maps are always a good thing.

Never forget the two most important saying, you’re right dear and okay buy it.

Never be afraid that _____ will leave you, she has spent years training you and she won’t give that up lightly.

Women really do really need a pair of shoes for every outfit. So on that note before I get into any trouble, I’ll propose the toast. To _____ and _____