Monthly Archives: May 2012

Pretty Baby

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Brooke Christa Shields,  born May 31, 1965 is an American actress and model.

When she was 12 years old, Shields played a child prostitute her age in the 1978 film Pretty Baby.

In early 1980, the 14-year-old Shields was the youngest fashion model ever to appear on the cover of the top fashion publication Vogue magazine. Later that same year, Shields appeared in controversial print and TV ads for Calvin Klein jeans.
The TV ad included her saying the famous tagline, “You want to know what comes between me and my Calvin’s?
By the age of 16, Shields had become one of the most recognizable faces in the world.

Personal life

Brooke has been married twice. From April 19, 1997, to April 9, 1999, Shields was married to professional tennis player Andre Agassi; the couple had been together since 1993. Their marriage was annulled so she could remarry in the Catholic Church.  One can only  speculate that he did not get between her Calvin’s.

On April 4, 2001, she married television writer, Chris Henchy. The couple have two daughters.

Babbling Brook:

Brooke’s joking comment on her TV commercial for jeans: “If my jeans could talk, I’d be ruined.” (1980)

“I’m so naive about finances. Once when my mother mentioned an amount and I realized I didn’t understand, she had to explain: ‘That’s like three Mercedes.’ Then I understood.” (1981)

People think of me as a mannequin, all show and no substance.

“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.” (1982)

“Princeton gave me something that can never be taken away from me. It taught me how to think.”

“Don’t waste a minute not being happy. If one window closes, run to the next window – or break down a door.”

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Marriage Memorial Day

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If Your Anniversary falls in May – make it your personal Memorial Day

Give a dead marriage its proper, final resting place. The Wedding Ring Coffin is the perfect gift for yourself or a loved one for bringing closure after a divorce.

There are ring coffin sites a plenty.  Try http://www.weddingringcoffin.com/

Since Memorial Day was originally known as Decoration Day, use this month to gather and mourn all objects that trigger bad thoughts and memories of your marriage.  It’s time for spring cleaning anyway.

Enjoy a  barbecue. Visualize  the wieners and patties on the grill belong to all the men that done did you wrong.  They  fit nicely on a toasted bun.  When you take that first bite think about how soft his bun was.


No need to glid

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May Flower Power: Lily of the Valley

LILYLilies were so revered by the ancient Greeks that they believed they sprouted from the milk of Hera, the queen of the gods. Long tied to the Virgin Mary, the white Madonna lily represents virtue, while the lily of the valley conveys sweetness and humility. In the language of flowers, this May birth flower expresses purity of heart, majesty and honor.

Lore has it that when Mary cried at the foot of her son’s cross, her tears turned to Lilies of the Valley. You too may shed a lot of tears this year, but remember that the Lily also signifies a return to happiness.

You will be happy. You’re beautiful the way you are.  You would be gilding the lily to think otherwise.

Loveland

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The Pilgrims left aboard the Mayflower in 1620.  They were headed for Virginia but got blown off course and instead decided to found their colony in Cape Cod in what would become the Massachusetts Bay Colony.

Just like the Mayflower your marriage went off course and landed in divorce.   It’s time to take another trip on a sailing ship to the land of  love.

Never heard of Loveland?  Only true believers in the power of love are allowed. The island is populated by  Love Lads who will immediately engage you in a duet:

I have heard all about Love Land
And all of its little charms
But I know I’ll never get to Love Land
Unless I’m wrapped up in your arms
you’ve got to take me with you–please, take me with you
How I’d love to walk down that golden street
Hand-in-hand with you where all the lovers meet
Whoa, I’d love to go to Love Land with you
Pretty baby, ’cause my love is true
I swear I do

I have heard all about Love Land
And all of its youthful hearts
Well, loneliness just can’t live there
And happiness is the answer
You’ve got to take me with you
Baby, got to take me with you, oh baby
How I’d love to walk down that golden street
Hand-in-hand with you where all the lovers meet
How I’d love to go to Love Land with you, yeah

The Lad’s come with a pause/stop/reply button navel.  Just poke ’em up and enjoy.

Ghost of a Chance

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No man is worth killing yourself over.  But a lot of women do without resting in peace.  We want to tell the world why we did what we did.

Why do you think “The  Ghost Whisperer,” was such a hit.? Okay, maybe Jennifer Love’ Hewitt’s cleavage brought out the spirits, but whatever the case maybe, some women can’t envision a life without “him.”

 If a man can’t live without you,  he may take his own life after he’s taken yours.

As I told you in my last posting I was going to spend some fun in the sun with sister.

My surprise was a weekend at the venerable Hotel del Coronado, San Diego’s landmark Pacific resort, which has been experiencing paranormal activity for as long as anyone can remember – and with good reason.

With more than 120 years of history behind her, supernatural stories abound, most have to do with a beautiful young woman who checked in 1892 – and never checked out.

Kate Morgan, a pretty woman in her mid 20s, checked into the Hotel del Coronado alone on Thursday, November 24, 1892 (Thanksgiving evening).  During her stay, hotel employees – many of whom had frequent interactions with Kate – reported that she had appeared ill and very unhappy.  She had also told quite a few employees that she was waiting for her brother (who she said was a doctor) to join her – but he never showed up.

Five days after she checked in, Kate was found dead on an exterior staircase leading to the beach.  Kate had a gunshot wound to her head, which the San Diego County Coroner later determined was self-inflicted.

A search of her hotel room revealed no personal belongings.  In fact, there was nothing to identify “the beautiful stranger” except the name she used when she registered: Lottie A. Bernard (from Detroit).

After her death, police sent a sketch of Kate’s face and information about her death to newspapers and police stations around the country, in the hopes that someone could shed light on “the dark mystery surrounding the suicide of the unknown girl at the Coronado Hotel.”

Eventually, Lottie Bernard was identified as Kate Morgan, originally from Iowa, and the wife of Tom Morgan.  Reportedly, Tom Morgan was a gambler, who may have made his living gambling on the railroad.

After the inquest into Kate’s suicide, a gentleman came forward to say that he had seen Kate arguing with a man (thought to have been Tom) on a train en route to San Diego. The witness said that Tom disembarked before reaching San Diego, and Kate continued on to the Hotel del Coronado by herself, where, it is assumed, she waited – and waited – for Tom to join her.  When he never showed up, Kate took her own life.

**Do you dare spend the night in Kate Morgan’s room? If that doesn’t scare you, book the hotel for your next leap of faith.   The Hotel  was voted the “number-one wedding destination in America” by the Travel Channel.  Are you included in the count?

If you do wed again, don’t kill yourself planning it.

I’m at an age where my back goes out more than I do.

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In general men don’t care about birthdays.  Women want it televised with no  age identification.  Most women lie about their age. Divorced women go into the ageless protection program.  They are so good at remaining a certain age for so long, their own mother believes them.

Depending on your birth certificate, your first birthday without the husband who never got you what you wanted can easily have you singing the Birthday Blues.  

Remember – your mother gave you a birthday.  He gave you frown lines and Victoria Secret.  Here’s a secret men – We hate Victoria Secret.  It’s a gift for you, not us.

For my first birthday after my divorce, I went to Las Vegas with my Mother, who took deathly  ill the day after we returned and was rushed to the hospital, where she stayed for 6 weeks. She pulled through.  I fell apart.

Oh, and I turned 40.

Tomorrow I will turn %#.  My sister is treating me to a slumber party at a Ritzy Hotel. I’m still single and much happier than I was years ago.   I’m optimistic about a happy ending.

If your birthday is in May you are probably one of the lucky people, whereas November babies tend to get a raw deal, psychologists say.

In an internet-based survey involving nearly 30,000 people, researchers asked how lucky people perceived themselves to be. They found that people born during the summer months had a more positive outlook on life and a significantly higher belief in being lucky than those born during the winter months.

The scientists think the difference in outlook stems from the effect that daylight hours may have on dopamine, a brain signalling chemical, and early brain development of the foetus.

May you all have a happy birthday!

Master Disaster

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May is Disaster Preparedness Month
Be your own Relationship recovery & rescue this month and every month.  Be prepared before a natural disaster – in this case you, trauma or drama flashback takes hold:

As soon as you become aware of an emotional tornado headed your way.  Head for your personal shed (bedroom) and lock the door.  Be sure to have the following on hand:

  1. A mini bar
  2. Plenty of non-perishable snacks
  3. Batteries for your new sleep aid and a flashlight
  4. Boxes of Kleenex
  5. Computer – shopping on-line can be a life line.
  6. Make a digital diary of your disaster in progress.
  7. Post it on FB and let others share in your meltdown.  You could be on “Inside Edition.”
  8. Record your thoughts.  Express all your hopes and fears.  Play you hysteria over and over again.
  9.  Make sure to destroy the rant recording so it cannot be used against you should a mental competence hearing be required.
  10. Do not call list – let your friends and family know that you’re having a time out.
  11. Call 911 if you have fallen out of bed and can’t get up.