Sample ASS (awkward social situation)

Standard

 You have a spring in your step and you’re feeling pretty good about yourself.  So much so, you decide to be impulsive and treat yourself to lunch at that fancy restaurant you always wanted to try, but never did.  You get all Dolled  up and decide to go it alone – you always have your cell phone (a.k.a. Adult Pacifier) to keep you company.  You might even have arranged for a few of your friends to call you during your meal to – you are somebody.

You arrive at the restaurant and are immediately seated near the kitchen entrance.  You’re about to protest when you hear a familiar and annoying voice like the sound of a herniated hyena.  You follow the laughter knowing full well what you’ll find – X-MAN seated next to his new banana peel laughing and lunching.

Do you: A. Make a clean getaway through the kitchen

B. Order a double martini

C. Impulsively join the good-looking gentlemen eating solo at the table next to you

D. Have an anxiety attack

E. Order lunch

Answer: All of the above are acceptable responses in my book.  But, if you’re still feeling bold and beautiful, remove yourself from the crap table and as you pass the gent, lean over and whisper in his ear before you plant a kiss on his cheek all the while, giggling loudly before you exit and do the pageant wave on your way out…


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