Monthly Archives: February 2012

Don’t ask

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Love is more than a day, unless you put it on lay-away

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Sample ASS (awkward social situation)

Roaming around the mall you suddenly find yourself inside a jewelry store and  realize something’s missing on your person: a pair of diamond earrings. The store is packed with men frantic to make up for last week’s Valentine gift gaff of lingerie fit for a pussycat doll.  Without warning a sales associate ask if you need assistance.  You want to reply, “Yes, call 911 I’m having a broken heart attack.”

Instead, speechless you point to a sparkling pair of studs.  When ask if they’re for you, you blurt out that your husband is a Doctor without boarders and he insisted that you pick out anything your heart desires.

Suddenly overwhelmed with guilt, you vow to rush home and send money to “Save the Children.”  Just as you turn to leave you see your ex-husband’s best friend.  This is your first sighting of him since your divorce.

Do you:

A. Drop, tuck and roll your way out of the store.

B.  Speak first to take control of the situation.  “Hello Scooter.  What a pleasant surprise.  Looking for something for Tiffany or your office wife?”

C.  Let him approach you, and when he asks you the perfunctory “What’s new?”  You reply, “Everything.”

D.  Throw your arms around him and cry like a baby as you demand to know everything your ex-husband has been up too since the spilt.

Answer: Try C.  It’s positive, yet reveals nothing.  Excuse yourself and head to the food court.  After lunch, return to the jewelry store and treat yourself to a diamond heart to signify your new start.

Aside

For the newly de-parted, and in honor of Presidents Day, it’s  time to replace your old “Matt” with a new mattress.  It’s time for bed, bath and beyond your ex. Go for the Queen size and buy all new bedding.  Once you get rid of his smell you’ll sleep swell. And let paws on the new bed as well.  He never did, which is why he’s going to Hell.  Only dogs go to heaven.

Preside over a new bed

Love means never having to see a Lawyer…

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If you wed  on Valentine’s Day

The first wedding anniversary after your divorce will be painful.  If you were wed on Valentine’s Day, you must remember never to get married on a Holiday except, The Day of The Dead.

A wedding and divorce have more in common than you might think.  A wedding represents the beginning of “we.”   Your divorce may have you thinking, “why me?” The answer may be because you were destined to begin anew.  Both require love, understanding and patience.

Love is not a national holiday    

Remember Valentine’s Day is just that: a day.  If every day of your marriage resembled an advertisement you wouldn’t be real and neither would your relationship.

February Flower Power: Violet

The violet is said to symbolize faithfulness and modesty.  Remain faithful and true to you and bloom.

Before the Kardashian sisters, the Gabor sisters mastered the art of name fame

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Divorce Diva of the Month

Zsa Zsa Gabor: actress, born February 6, 1917

Ms. Gabor started her marriage career in 1937 and spent the next forty years honing her craft.

Marriage//Divorce Credits:

Burhan Beige

Conrad Hilton

George Sanders (He would later marry her sister, Magda)

Herbert Hutner

Joshua Cosden, Jr.

Jack Ryan

Michael O’Hara

Felipe De Alba

Frederic von Anhalt – The little Prince

Her current husband should consider himself fortunate that his wife can’t move around like she use to or surely she would have slapped the goulash out of him for jumping into the Anna Nicole Smith baby-daddy fray.  He not only called a press conference claiming that he could be the father of Ms. Smith’s little girl, he made the announcement in the driveway of the home he shares with his wife.  Had his outrageous claim turned out to be true (not), his revelation of purported infidelity came while his wife lay bedridden inside their home.  What a prince!

“I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.”
― Zsa Zsa Gabor

Oscar spells curtains for some marriages

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‘Oscar Curse’ Study: Researcher Weighs In

Oscarcurse


Most of us have heard about the so-called “Oscar Curse”–the theory that women who win the Best Actress Academy Award are doomed to divorce.

Now, researchers at the University of Toronto have the data to back it up. Their study, released last week, found that the effects of the “Oscar Curse” are actually real.

Researchers compared actresses who won Best Actress statuettes from 1936 to 2010 to those who were nominated but didn’t win, and found that winners were, indeed, 1.68 times as likely to divorce as non-winners. Of the 265 married nominees, 159 eventually divorced–a whopping 60 percent. The same was not true for men–there was no significant difference in divorce risk for Best Actor winners and Best Actor nominees.

One of the researchers on the study, the University of Toronto’s Tiziana Casciaro, chatted with us on the phone about the results.

Tell me about how you came to that conclusion–what was your methodology?

The finding, to be exact, is that Oscar-winning women get more divorced than Oscar nominated women, while we find no difference for men. For men, whether you win or are just nominated, there’s no significant difference. We collected data on every single nominee from the inception of the modern Oscars–1936–all the way through last year, 2010. The analysis was conducted based on a comparison between the groups: The men who won and the ones who did not, and the women who won, and the ones who did not.

What surprised you most about these findings?

We were not particularly surprised. There’s extensive research literature on the subject we didn’t conduct. This type of pattern has been documented before in the general population. Our question was, does it apply to elites–professional elites? Do we see the same patterns replicated? It was nice to see that our findings were generalizable and consistent with what we know about regular people. Perhaps the only surprising thing is that there is no difference.

In the study, you refer to ‘sudden status change.’ What is meant by that?

Winning an Oscar can be construed as a big jump in professional status that an actor or actress has in their world and in the eyes of the broader audience. There are few phenomena that are so clean. You are never the same after you’ve secured an Oscar for Best actor or Best Actress. If you take that as a measure as a status increase, then you can see the consequences.

[It’s also] one of those rare contexts where you have equal numbers of highly successful men and women. There are many many more men than women, if you look at CEOs for example. It’s hard to do a rigorous study because you just have too few women.

Why do you think a Best Actress win affects women negatively and not men?

Multiple possibilities, as other research before ours has documented. One has to do with the general social norm that kind of requires a man to have higher professional and economic status over the wife. So whenever that social norm is violated, both husband and wife may feel discomfort–could be either one of them. We know from other situations that the strain that marriages feel under that circumstance is not unusual and people try to overcome it in a variety of different ways.

One study looked at couples where the wife earns more and has a more demanding job and you would expect the division of labor to shift towards the husband, but the wife may actually increase how much she does in the house and the husband decrease, just to make the marriage feel more “normal.” It can be that the husband feels inferior and doesn’t accept the lower status. [So the divorce could happen because] the woman who outgrows the relationship. Or it was [an] unhappy [marriage] to begin with and with the sudden increase in status feels like she can move on.

What is the rate of divorce for female Oscar-winners as compared to the general population?

I don’t have that data. We do find that compared to women who are just nominated, the winners have a 63 percent chance of having a shorter marriage than the non-winners.

Did you take any other factors into consideration–for example, number of children?

Shared children decreased the probability of divorce. Across everybody, age decreased the likelihood of divorce, with no difference between men and women.

Did you explore why the marriages broke up–infidelity for instance ?

We had very limited data–you have to look at the qualitative data. Infidelity showed up as you would expect. More for men than for women. But we had such a small sub-sample of the relationships its hard to draw clear inferences.

What about the profession and income level of the man–does that affect whether or not an Oscar win for a woman results in divorce? Does it change based on whether the man is successful, or whether he is also an actor?

For income level its virtually impossible to get clean data. We had a measure for fame with a count on media mentions in the New York Times. For women, there was a positive relationship with rate of divorce–the higher the fame, the higher the rate of divorce. Not for men.

Does this affect any other Oscar winners other than Best Actress? Does it have an effect on Best Cinematography award winners, for example?

We only looked at this one because it attracted the most speculation. With the status increase it’s the most obvious.

Has the rate of divorce for Best Actress winners changed throughout history–for example, did Best Actresses in the 1940s divorce less than Best Actress winners in the 1990s?

One of the things that is rather peculiar is that Hollywood people always got divorced, unlike more “normal” people, who in the 1940s and 1950s were less prone to that then they are today. That was a world that was always particularly at risk. We found relatively stable patterns over time.

Who are a few of the major actresses who divorced post-win?
Joan Crawford, in the old days. Bette Davis. More recent times–Halle Berry, Kate Winslet, Hilary Swank. Sandra Bullock is an interesting situation because while she divorced right after, the infidelity that led her to ask for divorce started before she won the Oscar.

Love the one you’re with (you!)

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Let’s not sugarcoat this sweet and sappy month.  It’s your first Valentine’s Day minus a sweetheart or Sweet Tart, whatever the case may be.  Since mid-January you’ve been bombarded by Madison Avenue’s promise that a diamond says he’d marry you all over again (if you were still married that is).  Hallmark always offers some obscenely adorable bear to go with that perfect card.  Chocolate is everywhere.  Valentine’s Day is a multi-million-dollar business that feeds on the illusion of delusional love.  Be honest, do you personally know anybody who remotely resembles those couples that appear in those ads?  And when’s the last time you ran in slow motion?