This Month in Celebrity Divorce History
2010 Kate Winslet & Sam Mendes
Elizabeth Edwards & John Edwards
2009 Madonna & Guy Ritchie
Amy Winehouse & Blake Fielder-Civil
1996 Lisa Marie Presley & Michael Jackson
1990 Mimi Rogers & Tom Cruise
1951 Elizabeth Taylor & Nicholas Conrad Hilton Jr.
Some couples have second thoughts hours, days and/or months before their first anniversary gift of PAPER rolls around. If you know someone who fits into this category, I’d like to put them on the list.
Duration of marriage
Britney Spears & Jason Alexander 55 hours
Carmen Electra & Dennis Rodman 9 days
Ali Landry & Mario Lopez 14 days
Drew Barrymore & Jeremy Thomas 39 days
Kim Kardashian & Kris Humphries 72 days
Pamela Anderson & Kid Rock 122 days
Lisa Marie Presley & Nicolas Cage 3 months
Renee Zellweger & Kenny Chesney 4 months
Sophia Bush & Chad Michael 5 months
Drew Barrymore & Tom Green 5 months
Whatever the gender may be January marks the beginning of the end for a majority of marriages. Experts disagree on exactly why (they are likely to be divorced too), but most agree that after the holidays, one or both want out of holy matrimony.
Celebrities – they’re just like us:
As of this post, celebrities already on this month’s divorce docket include:
Heidi Klum & Seal
Katy Perry & Russell Brand
Zooey Deschanel & Ben Gibbard
Debra Messing & Daniel Zelman
Demi Moore & Ashton Kutcher.
Awkward social situations (ASS) are going to be the norm your first year, Mrs. No More. When you least expect it, you may find yourself having to explain what happened or what did not. When most acquaintances’ inquire, “How are you?” They really don’t want to know unless it involves them.
Sample ASS: Looking like you’ve just emerged from a coma, you enter the supermarket in search of much needed supplies for your household. Even though the sun’s been down for hours, you are wearing your Jackie-O sunglasses to shade your raccoon eyes from the public and a baseball cap to hide your matted hair. You’re in a daze at the wall of fermented fruit when you hear a voice that fills you with joy and pain, “Hey, how’s it going?” your ex-beau says.
Do you: A. Have a melt down on aisle seven.
B. Grab any bottle and tell him you’re late for your America’s Got Talent callback.
C. Tell him how he’s ruined your life for infinity.
D. All the above.
Answer: B. He’ll have to watch to see if you’re telling the truth.
Congratulations! If you’re reading this text you’ve survived your first New Year’s Eve intact. By intact I mean, you’re breathing. The good news is – you are here.
Whether you were left or left, your world as you knew it has changed forever. Let’s face it: change is more frightening than facial hair. Change is usually not made by choice, like say divorce.
Think of this guide your GPS as you navigate through DivorCity. You may say to yourself, “I can’t drive a stick shift. My brakes are bad and my tires bald (as was my ex.). God help me, I drive a minivan.” No matter what your mode of transportation may be, it’s time to hit the road.
Which route you take will determine if you’re in for a bumpy ride with road rage on the side, or you take the high road.
January is traditionally resolution time, which takes on a whole new meaning to the newly divorced. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Your goal this month is to resolve not to evolve into someone you don’t recognize and despise. Love yourself just the way you are.
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