Monthly Archives: January 2012

This Month in Divorce History – Dead or Alive

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This Month in Celebrity Divorce History

 

 

 

 

 

 

2010    Kate Winslet &  Sam  Mendes

              Elizabeth Edwards & John Edwards

2009    Madonna & Guy Ritchie

             Amy  Winehouse & Blake Fielder-Civil

1996    Lisa Marie Presley & Michael Jackson

1990    Mimi Rogers & Tom Cruise

1951    Elizabeth Taylor & Nicholas Conrad Hilton Jr.

Divorce Hall of Shame

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Some couples have second thoughts hours, days and/or months before their first anniversary gift of PAPER rolls around.  If you know someone who fits into this category, I’d like to put them on the list.

 

                                                                   Duration of marriage

Britney Spears & Jason Alexander                             55 hours

Carmen Electra & Dennis Rodman                                 9 days

Ali Landry & Mario Lopez                                              14 days

Drew Barrymore & Jeremy Thomas                           39 days

Kim Kardashian & Kris Humphries                              72 days

Pamela Anderson & Kid Rock                                     122 days

Lisa Marie Presley & Nicolas Cage                            3 months

Renee Zellweger & Kenny Chesney                           4 months

Sophia Bush & Chad Michael                                       5 months

Drew Barrymore & Tom Green                                  5 months

 

 

 

 

 

Humpty Dumpty

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Whatever the gender may be January marks the beginning of the end for a majority of marriages.  Experts disagree on exactly why (they are likely to be divorced too), but most agree that after the holidays, one or both want out of holy matrimony.

 

Celebrities – they’re just like us:

As of this post, celebrities already on this month’s divorce docket include:

Heidi Klum & Seal

Katy Perry & Russell Brand

Zooey Deschanel & Ben Gibbard

Debra Messing & Daniel Zelman

Demi Moore & Ashton Kutcher.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Awkward Social situtions (ASS)

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Awkward social situations (ASS) are going to be the norm your first year, Mrs. No More. When you least expect it, you may find yourself having to explain what happened or what did not.  When most acquaintances’ inquire, “How are you?”  They really don’t want to know unless it involves them.  

Sample ASS:  Looking like you’ve just emerged from a coma, you enter the supermarket in search of much needed supplies for your household.  Even though the sun’s been down for hours, you are wearing your Jackie-O sunglasses to shade your raccoon eyes from the public and a baseball cap to hide your matted hair.  You’re in a daze at the wall of fermented fruit when you hear a voice that fills you with joy and pain, “Hey, how’s it going?” your ex-beau says.

 Do you:           A. Have a melt down on aisle seven.

                          B. Grab any bottle and tell him you’re late for  your America’s Got Talent callback.                       

                         C. Tell him how he’s ruined your life for infinity.

                          D. All the above.  

 Answer:           B. He’ll have to watch to see if you’re telling the truth.

Happy New You!

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Congratulations! If you’re reading this text you’ve survived your first New Year’s Eve intact. By intact I mean, you’re breathing. The good news is – you are here.

Whether you were left or left, your world as you knew it has changed forever. Let’s face it: change is more frightening than facial hair. Change is usually not made by choice, like say divorce.
Think of this guide your GPS as you navigate through DivorCity. You may say to yourself, “I can’t drive a stick shift. My brakes are bad and my tires bald (as was my ex.). God help me, I drive a minivan.” No matter what your mode of transportation may be, it’s time to hit the road.

Which route you take will determine if you’re in for a bumpy ride with road rage on the side, or you take the high road.

January is traditionally resolution time, which takes on a whole new meaning to the newly divorced. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Your goal this month is to resolve not to evolve into someone you don’t recognize and despise. Love yourself just the way you are.

Hello world!

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