Congratulations! If you’re reading this text you’ve survived your SECOND SINGLE New Year’s Eve intact. By intact I mean, you’re breathing. You may or may not be hung over or glad you were too out of it to hang yourself. The good news is – you are here. Sound familiar? Hopefully you are not back where we started one year ago, when you found yourself a Mrs. No. More.
If so, rinse and repeat this blog.
My work here is done. I’ve given you my all. Well, at this point, like most advice, I would just be repeating myself. The last thing you need is a marriage recovery marathon.
Ready for year two? It’s ready for you.
You may be surprised by the long, arduous journey of emotions that you are still experiencing. There is no right or wrong way to work through your individual emotional phases. Being aware that they are there and giving them validation, often times will move you farther along your unique path of grief. Be prepared for unexpected reoccurrence in the future, months or even years after you believed that you were through with it, and had moved beyond the reach of the pain.
These flashback events are most often triggered by important life events, such as the graduation or marriage of a child, moving from a home with strong emotional ties, the birth of a child or grandchild, or the death of a loved one. It is generally believed that our painful memories are all stored in the same part of the brain, so a new one can open the floodgates to old memories and the accompanying pain of grief and loss. We can be taken completely by surprise, as the agonizing memories come crashing back like massive emotional Tsunamis.
By expecting these occasional relapses and remembering that there is not a completion date to grief, you allow your emotions to flow through the stages at their individual pace. Also, realize that you may revisit a phase you thought you were finished with many times, and that is okay. Your mind knows what it needs and will process the information continually until it reaches some level of acceptance, allowing you to move beyond the grief and turn the first page on the new chapter in your life.
Allow yourself validation for your pain and grief and distance yourself from those who undermine your progress. You are a unique person and your suffering, coping and moving skills are as individual as you are. That is the way we were made.
Whatever you do, don’t jump the broom again too soon. If you fell in love your freshman year of divorce – don’t rush to another judgment. I leave you with sobering advice from the professionals.
It’s been proven that the second marriage divorce rate is statistically higher than that of first marriages because of a few simple, yet critical mistakes that many people make when they enter their second marriage.
Psychology Today stated that a whopping 60% of remarriages fail. And they do so even more quickly; after an average of 10 years, 37% of remarriages have dissolved versus 30% of first marriages.
If anything can be learned from this, it is the fact that you need to enter a second marriage with CAUTION. Here are some tips that will help you make sure that your second marriage is a success…
Make Sure You REALLY Know Who You’re Marrying.
Be sure that YOUR beliefs are in line with your spouse’s. By beliefs, I’m not only talking about religion. I’m also talking about your partner’s beliefs about making and saving money, disciplining children, daily love & affection, sex, household chores and even social beliefs.
It is opposite beliefs on subjects like these that will quickly put your relationship on the fast track to divorce.
In your hunger to find new love, you may be tempted to idealize life with your fiancé and ignore the discussion of opposite beliefs that could cause conflict in your marriage.
But believe me; if you do this and find out later on in your marriage that you and your spouse have completely opposite beliefs, you will be in a WORLD of hurt and pain. Don’t make the same mistakes you did in your first marriage. Discuss these issues NOW. Don’t wait because you don’t want to spoil the mood.
Based on your last marriage, write down every little thing you and your ex fought about Don’t Rush Into Marriage Because You’re Blinded By Love.
Research shows that the possibility of a second divorce greatly increases if you’ve been in a relationship with a person for less than a year. Don’t think this research does not apply to you. As difficult as it may be to accept, these ARE the facts.
“… and you can bet your last money, it’s all gonna be a stone gas, honey! I’m Mrs. No More, and as always in parting, I wish you love, peace and soul!”
Happy New Year!